On March 28 2021, I called my dad to wish him a happy 65th birthday. When he picked up the Facetime call, a tsunami of tears rolled down his face. “Your brother passed away this morning,” he weeped. Covering his eyes, he passed the phone to my mom.
A grey haze of confusion and shock flooded my consciousness while my mom spoke about the details of Justin’s death. I don’t remember exactly what she said. I only remember her infinite strength, as the investigators worked in the background.
From disbelief and crashing grief to toxic guilt, I’ve been riding a rollercoaster of emotions over the past five months. But as I’ve been processing, Justin (my new guardian angel) has been leaving signs like breadcrumbs down memory lane. And for the first time, I’m taking a hard look at the events that led to his drug addiction and untimely death. More so, I’m reevaluating my own life.
These are BIG questions. And prior to his death, I thought I had all the answers.
But now I realize that I’ve been running on the ‘achievement treadmill’ for too long. I need a break to recalibrate and make space for what’s next. Hence, why I discontinued Mystic Travel Magazine.
Having a quarterly magazine put me on a linear path to produce, produce and produce. Naturally, I didn’t have the time to sit with the information and listen to my Higher Self and the Universe.
So now I’m embracing a new way of living. One that cultivates reflection, introspection, and rest.
Because I believe that we need to receive (inspiration and nourishment) before we can give. And when we do, our creations are truly what the world needs. After all, we LISTENED.
This quote magically appeared as I was writing this article:
Seeds must be buried in the darkness before they can bloom into the light. Seeds can’t even begin to bloom without embracing the fertile void of the winter soil.– Rebecca Campbell from Letters to a Starseed
(Sigh) Yes, we must rest in the great unknown before we can resurface to share our extraordinary creations with the world.
How have you been coping with the changes this year? Share in the comments.
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